The Tedtrix: A screenplay
by j3px
Summary: What happens when Ted Logan becomes the One? Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure meets the Matrix.


What happens when Ted Logan becomes the One?  
>Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure meets the Matrix<p>

The Matrix and all its characters are the property of Warner Bros. Studios Village

& Roadshow Pictures. 

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey

are the property of Orion Pictures.

The Tedtrix: Part II

Scene I: Thomas A. Anderson's apartment. Bill tries to sleep as Ted gets a CPU message as he tinkers on a computer. _(Rock music,'Not So Far Away', from the __Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure__ Soundtrack, quietly plays in the background.)_

**Ted:** Bill!

**Bill**_(annoyed): _Ted, I'm trying to get some sleep.

**Ted:** Bill!

**Bill**_(very annoyed): _Ted.

**Ted:** What's a Rabby?

**Bill: **Shut up, Ted.

_(Someone knocks at the door)_

**Ted **_(startled): _WHO IS THAT!

(peers out to see it's Rufus)

**Ted: **It's RUFUS! I THOUGHT it was you!

**Rufus:** GENTLEMEN!

**Ted:** Come in! _(pauses) _I think. Sorry, Rufus. This isn't OUR place.

**Bill**_(awakens): _Rufus! _(rises)_

**Ted:** Boy- are we glad to SEE YOU! But...I'm most confused.

**Bill:** Yea, me too. Last night, we went fell asleep over at MY house.

Where are we, Rufus?

**Ted**: And why are we here?

**Rufus:** I'M here to tell you two we need you. YOU'RE HERE for that very reason. The FUTURE needs you NOW.

**Ted:** What's happening to us?

**Rufus:** Chuck De Nomolos, an overlord from MY time, wants to rid the world of rock and roll from YOUR time- in effect, getting rid of it FOR ALL TIME.

**Ted/Bill:** BOGUS!

**Rufus:** To counter this, a resistance 200 years from YOUR present day- will launch their search for their hero- only THIS time, they'll do it TEN YEARS ahead of schedule. IN SO doing, they've chosen the future Thomas Anderson- Ted Logan...YOU.

**Ted:** What?

**Bill:** How?

**Rufus:** Your present is in grave danger by a future leader- Chuck De Nomolos- my high school gym teacher.

**Bill:** What does HE want?

**Rufus:** A most unfortunate end, gentlemen. An end...to rock and roll.

**Bill/Ted:** NO WAY!

**Rufus:** YES way...and unless YOU TWO stop him, the future as we know it...

**Bill/Ted: **Will be history.

**Rufus:** The year you are living in NOW is 1999. Yet, because of the time paradox, you are your 1988 selves LIVING IN 1999. You are here because your future selves have reached cult status! Popular to where a few of your most devoted fans...are devoted to STALKING you both.

**Ted (**_incredulous): _Para-What?

**Rufus:**_(to Ted)_ The success of your band drives both of you into retirement, Theodore. YOU use the alias Thomas A. Anderson. You take up

computer programming and get rather good at it.

_(To Bill) _William, you become Mark Pressman. Both of you work for a respectable software company.

**Bill:** Thanks, Rufus! But, why are we HERE? I've never seen this place!

**Rufus:** That's because Thomas- that is, the future TED, will live HERE. But, because the rebels in YOUR future look for the future YOU, NOW- instead of in 10 years- my time travel with you RIGHT NOW, and THEIR early time travel to find _YOU__ in __YOUR NOW_, creates- at this VERY MOMENT, a paradox that, in effect, makes YOU HIM, NOW, only 10 years YOUNGER, and him YOU THEN, only 10 years OLDER- than you are right NOW.

Plus, you are no longer in San Dimas- you're in New York City. THAT- is why YOU'RE HERE, RIGHT NOW.

**Ted **(with Bill confused, stares)

**Rufus:** It'll ALL make sense, gentlemen.

**Ted:** What about that Thomas guy? And our band?

**Rufus:** Wyld Stallyns WILL be huge as ever. But that depends on you two.

**Ted/Bill:** Whoa!

**Rufus: **Now, the resistance needs your help, as well. And, IN A BIG WAY. That's why send for you early, Theodore. you are their key to winning their battle.

**Bill:** A battle of the bands?

**Rufus:** I'm afraid not, Bill. Morpheus will explain.

**Ted:** Morpheus?

**Rufus:** That's all I know. He'll contact YOU shortly. BOTH of you must save their- AND OUR future world- from being mere history. That- is ALSO why YOU'RE HERE.

**Ted** _(reasons): _So the Thomas me, and, and the Mark Bill- become the FAKE usses?

**Rufus:** Correct.

**Bill:** And they switch place and time with US?

**Rufus:** You got it.

**Ted:** And THEY become the Wyld Stallyns instead of US?

**Rufus:** For the time being.

**Ted:** But... what if the FAKE usses SUCK at being the REAL usses?

**Bill:** Dude...we ALREADY suck.

**Ted **_(gets it): _Oh yea!

**Bill:** Okay, Rufus.

**Rufus: **And, if it all works out, which it WILL, the alternate you- Thomas Anderson, won't do too bad, either. He quits the programming business, assumes the name Keanu Reeves, becomes a famous actor, and joins a group in the early nineties called Dogstar.

**Ted/Bill:** Whoa!

**Rufus:** Make NO mistake. You two... are about to embark... on your WILDEST ADVENTURE YET. AND- you'll do it...on YOUR OWN!

**Ted/Bill:** Whaddayoumean, Rufus? You're not comin' with us?

**Rufus:** My time has come, gentlemen. I must take a bow.

**Ted:** Whattt? You mean-

**Rufus:** I'm going to a better place. But, worry not, my friends. You can still time travel. You can WISH and- UNWISH. You can bring people from the annals of history. Everything you could do for your history report in May- you can do in THIS world, as well...PLUS a few other things, as Morpheus will show you. But WHATEVER YOU DO, WHEREVER AND _WHEN_, be sure you **DO NOT **DIE... BECAUSE- you can't "un-die".

**Bill: **And what about you?

**Rufus**(smiles): You might say, I'll be more POWERFUL than you can imagine.

**Bill/Ted **_(look at each other, getting it)_: Obi-Wan! EXCELLENT! (Air guitar)

**Rufus:** I trust you two WILL PREVAIL. _(assures them, pausing)_ Well, gentlemen, it's time I leave. Until next time.

**Ted:** Rufus!

_(Rufus turns)_

**Rufus:** Yes, Theodore?

**Ted**_ (puzzled)_**:** What's a 'rabby'?

_**Rufus**__(frowns):_ Of course- Think on me when you need me MOST.

_(walks away) _And, GENTLEMEN-

_(Ted & Bill turn)_

**Rufus:** Be- EXCELLENT- to each other.

_(Bill & Ted wave and smile. Rufus fades out.)_


End file.
